Merry Christmas from Kotex Tampons

It’s Christmas morning at my parents’ house. I’m a freshman in college. Surrounded by gifts wrapped to the nines, I notice a large, frosted gift bag. While you could only see through it slightly, it appeared to be filled with lots of boxes, all about equal size.

“You gotta open these first – before Aunt Gin gets here!” Aunt Gin equates to your proverbial ‘old maid’ relative, who probably should have been a nun. This is a sign that dear old Auntie will react poorly or just should not know the contents beneath the wrapping paper. I begin to suspect a grander plan at stake here.

I pick up the first box from the bag… it’s incredibly light. I shake it and listen… My brain can’t seem to connect the audio with the calculation of weight from this package. I shrug, and unwrap the first box.





She cackles as her laugh bridges into hysteria while I open box after box after box of Kotex tampons.

“Merry Christmas!! I gotcha a whole YEAR’s supply of tampons!!!”

She reminds me how I complained about the cost of needing such hygiene luxuries. “You said you were surprised at how expensive it was to buy a box every month, so now, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY!” My mother laughs and laughs.

All I can do is sigh.

Poor college students beware – nothing says Happy Holidays like 216 tubes of cotton.

(But the poor art student inside of me is ever grateful that I won’t have to stand embarrassingly at the register or wonder why I would rather grab lunch with friend than buy a box of tampons. I cannot show this truth, for I am strong! And calloused! …from the harsh realities of adulthood. I also realize now that my priorities haven’t changed much. Eating out with friends is still where all my money goes..)


Thanks Mom.